Thursday, March 31, 2011

Deadlocked? Not for long!

A deadlock is a situation where two or more competing actions are each waiting for the other to finish, and thus neither ever does. It is often seen in a paradox like the "chicken or the egg". The concept of a Catch 22 is similar.

It appears as this is where things stand, deadlocked!

#1.  Attempt to reach some of the goals that I haven't.

#2.  Accept my life for what it has become and be content.

I cannot leave this as it is! You know that little serenity prayer?

Grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. 

I must somehow merge these two together. do I accept AND change things at the same time?  I guess, I must decide what needs to change and what is allowed to stay the same, first.

Do I need to change?  Does my environment need to change? Is it my thought process that needs to change?

Let's talk about thoughts and feelings for a moment, shall we?

I'm not sure how everyone else's brain works, but I tend to see my past as a giant movie reel.  I love watching my memories! I'm able to start and stop the movie any time I like.  It's so crazy how a song, a smell, a taste or anything really, can trigger a memory and bring you right back to that place in your movie. =)  I can spend countless hours daydreaming about the future.  I watch those silly reality shows about rich people and for a moment, I am there living it up! Driving my Range Rover all over L.A., "Ahhhh, life is good!"  Then, I get pulled back to MY reality. =(

So, this is where I am today.  REAL.  Really real, I'm afraid. Unfortunately, some people mistake my realism for negativity.  I do not mean for it to come out that way, it's just kind of difficult for me to accept things with out first researching them and applying my skepticism, I suppose.  Overabundantly joyful people slightly annoy me, as well as question their bubbly exterior, yet deep down, I do desire a little bit of that happiness and contentment they appear to hold.  That's one of my problems.  I think, rethink, over think, analyze, research, doubt, contemplate, and so on, almost everything I think about or do.  I need to work on this.

I'm really not certain when exactly all these mixed feelings crept up about turning 40, I just know that they have been in full swing for a while now.  It's rather fascinating how all of a sudden something hits you and you're like, "WOW!, Where did the time go?" And then the thoughts just keep going, and going, and going.......weird, crazy thoughts sometimes too! They are almost suffocating thoughts, like time is running out and you must act quickly, the end is near!  Ridiculous? Yes, but that's what they feel like. This, I believe, is really the beginning of what people refer to as a Mid-life Crisis.  These thoughts can sometimes get out of control and then you start acting on them and before you know it, you're out wearing mini-skirts, getting piercings, tattoos, buying unnecessary sports vehicles (mainly for men on this one), becoming a cougar or worse a MILF! It is when one starts acting vs. thinking that tends to cause a few problems for some. Which is why we need to be conscious to NOT cross that proverbial line in the sand!  Now, I am not 100% innocent when it comes to some of these changes as I did get a small nose ring last year, but I did have the good sense to stop there. Whew!

Does mid-life crisis' even exist? I'm not sure, but I do know there is something going on in regards to feeling a need to change.  The only thing I can relate this to is how a pregnant woman feels the need to "nest" at a certain time during her pregnancy, woman and men approaching mid-life do encounter a different outlook on their lives.  Whether or not it becomes a crisis in the end depends on how we interpret those changes in thought and feelings.  The ability to decipher good change from bad change will most certainly help determine the final result of this phase in your life.

I'm a firm believer that it truly is best to express your feelings rather than hold them in, only to have an immense amount of pent up frustration to deal with later on, right? I happen to be an extremely vocal person.  This is not so good sometimes.  I can admit though, that sometimes my verbal outbursts come out slightly inappropriate and perhaps even borderline offensive.   For example:  When my dh, (darling husband) of 14 years, really, really upsets me, it's not that uncommon for me to threaten bodily injury with the use of a sharp object!  Those of you who know me well, know exactly what phrase I am referring to.  Let me just say, that didn't go over too well the first time my Mother-in-law heard me say it!  But, after explaining to her that I'd rather say it then hold it in and tempt my urge to actually do it one day, I think she had a better understanding of how my brain works?? Then again, maybe not.  It's really just a non-physical way for me to release a little anger at the time.  Harmless, really.

Bottom line, I think a lot of my thoughts and feelings regarding this time in my life may be a combination of the grass is greener on the other side mentality, as well as my personal internalization of various feelings towards my own life's path that I chose.  Quite possibly a little doubt and/or disappointment?

My solution to this is, I may end up doing a HUGE amount of #2 (acceptance), sprinkled with bits and pieces of #1 (change).  So, we'll see.

Thinking about dabbling in The Law of Attraction!

Til next time,

Real quick, I'd like to mention a little game that I will be playing throughout my blogging experience. In each blog there will be at least ONE idiom.  I have underlined the ones on this blog.  See how many you can find in each of my blogs from now on!

For more information about idioms, please visit! I find that I use idioms almost everyday! And, I make my own up sometime too! =) They're fun!


Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Here's the deal.....

I'm fast approaching the dreadful age of 40!  So, this is what I've decided to do, document it!

First things first, I feel the need to mention that as much as I would like this to be a fluffy, life is beautiful, rainbows and unicorn kind of blog, it's not.   I can occasionally be a little abrasive to some folks. I tend to speak the truth as I see it through my eyeballs and if someone asks me my opinion, I'll give it. Although, I really do try to present things as tactfully as possible when doing so.  Feathers still get ruffled and that's just part of life. =)

I'd like this to be as real as I can possibly make it without having to worry about who I might offend.  All thoughts portrayed in any of my blogs are MY thoughts and I'm entitled to them!  Thanks for hearing me!!

Now that, that's out of the way........

I've created this blog to share my mid-life experience with everyone.  I'm not quite sure what exactly my goal here is, but what seems to be troubling me most is that I am going to turn 40 soon (2.5 months) and have very little of what I envisioned having by this time in my life.

The way I see it is, I have two choices.

#1.  Attempt to reach some of the goals that I haven't.

#2.  Accept my life for what it has become and be content.

Either option, I figure, will take a bit to accomplish.

My first thought is to change things.  I must do something, anything, but haven't the slightest clue of what it is I must do.  For both scenarios, things must change.  Even to achieve contentment, one must first know how.

So, where do I begin? 

Let's start with my Name.  My name is Theory.  Theoryanne, to be exact.  Although only a handful of people actually refer to me as Theoryanne, you can call me either.  What the hell kind of name is that? Right?  I always thought since I was given a somewhat special name, that I must be special in some sort of way.  The problem is, is that I really haven't found out what I am special at.....yet and I've had almost 40 years to do so.

I do recall watching Oprah when she first started out, which would have made me about 13-14 years old and thinking, surely she and I had a deep connection with our weird-ass names!  I would call that 312 number every chance I would get if the topic was something I could even remotely relate to.  That was long before the lovely internet when all the talk shows had a hot-line that you could call up everyday and leave a message regarding upcoming shows.  Sadly, I never got that call from Oprah.  I moved on, eventually.  To Sally, Maury, and so on.  Just kidding, no I didn't, I'm still watching Oprah 25 years later.  Damn her!  I don't need Oprah to be special! I just can't seem to shed this idea that I must do something GREAT!  Maybe write a book, become an actress, go back to school, etc. etc.  All I know is I MUST make some changes, so let's get started and see what happens!

Here's a little info about the meaning of the word Theory:

What is a Theory?

A theory is an explanation of something. It is typically an explanation of a class of phenomena, rather than a single specific event.
Theories are often expressed as chains of causality: this happens because this and that happened just when something else happened and this in turn happened because ... you get the idea!
Theories are sometimes confused with hypotheses, because both seem to consist of statements relating one variable to another. Well, it's true that some theories are little more than hypotheses. But good theories are a bit different. Here are some of the differences:
  • theories are more general
  • theories explain why things are related, whereas hypotheses just say they are related
  • theories generate hypotheses; hypotheses are implicit in theories
As discussed in the next section, one way that theories explain is by providing a sense of process or mechanism for how one thing is related to another. This is very important.
Having a sense of process is an attribute or characteristic of a good theory. There are many characteristics that make a theory good. It is not just whether the theory is correct or not. In fact, the correctness of a theory is a very complicated issue, and is not quite as important as you might think.

Correctness of Theories

Unfortunately, we can never prove a theory right. We can prove it wrong, but can never prove it right. There are two reasons for this.

First, it doesn't matter how many times you test a theory, there is not enough time in the universe to do all possible tests. So even if a theory has survived 100 tests, it could still fail the 101st test. In a way, the situation is the opposite of locating a missing object in a house. If you search for the object in the house and find it, well, it's definite that the object was in the house -- case closed. But if you search and don't find it, that doesn't absolutely mean that the object is not in the house. It could still be there, you just missed it. The same (well, the opposite) is true of theories. If you test a theory and it fails, that's it: it's been disproved. But if you test it and it passes, that's just one test. There may be other data out there, or other situations, that will disprove. You just haven't gotten to them yet.

The second reason you can't prove a theory true is that there is never just one theory that fits the facts. A theory is really just a narrative. A tale that explains. But stories can be told very differently. In a sense, there are always an infinite number of theories that fit the facts.

What I like about this specific little tid bit is, I find this information to be awfully similar to me as a person. I am constantly analyzing situations, I enjoy talking and storytelling, perhaps a tad too much, I try to get to the bottom of things through trial and error, as well as, I do quite enjoy being "right", but, sometimes it's hard to prove when I am!  LOL!!

I hope to make this as fun and interesting as possible. Feel free to follow me through my journey of mid-life and learn how I plan to make changes in order to meet my expectations for the latter half of my life.  Let's face it, life is a lot like an actual Theory.  It's like a whole bunch of little experiments.  We try, we succeed.  We try, we fail.  We try again, and again, and again, until we get it right.  At least that's what I was taught.  Right now at this particular almost 40 year old moment, something isn't right.  However, I'm not entirely sure that anything is wrong either! I just know that deep down, there is more and I am going to find it! =)

Til next time,