Thursday, March 31, 2011

Deadlocked? Not for long!

A deadlock is a situation where two or more competing actions are each waiting for the other to finish, and thus neither ever does. It is often seen in a paradox like the "chicken or the egg". The concept of a Catch 22 is similar.

It appears as this is where things stand, deadlocked!

#1.  Attempt to reach some of the goals that I haven't.

#2.  Accept my life for what it has become and be content.

I cannot leave this as it is! You know that little serenity prayer?

Grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. 

I must somehow merge these two together. do I accept AND change things at the same time?  I guess, I must decide what needs to change and what is allowed to stay the same, first.

Do I need to change?  Does my environment need to change? Is it my thought process that needs to change?

Let's talk about thoughts and feelings for a moment, shall we?

I'm not sure how everyone else's brain works, but I tend to see my past as a giant movie reel.  I love watching my memories! I'm able to start and stop the movie any time I like.  It's so crazy how a song, a smell, a taste or anything really, can trigger a memory and bring you right back to that place in your movie. =)  I can spend countless hours daydreaming about the future.  I watch those silly reality shows about rich people and for a moment, I am there living it up! Driving my Range Rover all over L.A., "Ahhhh, life is good!"  Then, I get pulled back to MY reality. =(

So, this is where I am today.  REAL.  Really real, I'm afraid. Unfortunately, some people mistake my realism for negativity.  I do not mean for it to come out that way, it's just kind of difficult for me to accept things with out first researching them and applying my skepticism, I suppose.  Overabundantly joyful people slightly annoy me, as well as question their bubbly exterior, yet deep down, I do desire a little bit of that happiness and contentment they appear to hold.  That's one of my problems.  I think, rethink, over think, analyze, research, doubt, contemplate, and so on, almost everything I think about or do.  I need to work on this.

I'm really not certain when exactly all these mixed feelings crept up about turning 40, I just know that they have been in full swing for a while now.  It's rather fascinating how all of a sudden something hits you and you're like, "WOW!, Where did the time go?" And then the thoughts just keep going, and going, and going.......weird, crazy thoughts sometimes too! They are almost suffocating thoughts, like time is running out and you must act quickly, the end is near!  Ridiculous? Yes, but that's what they feel like. This, I believe, is really the beginning of what people refer to as a Mid-life Crisis.  These thoughts can sometimes get out of control and then you start acting on them and before you know it, you're out wearing mini-skirts, getting piercings, tattoos, buying unnecessary sports vehicles (mainly for men on this one), becoming a cougar or worse a MILF! It is when one starts acting vs. thinking that tends to cause a few problems for some. Which is why we need to be conscious to NOT cross that proverbial line in the sand!  Now, I am not 100% innocent when it comes to some of these changes as I did get a small nose ring last year, but I did have the good sense to stop there. Whew!

Does mid-life crisis' even exist? I'm not sure, but I do know there is something going on in regards to feeling a need to change.  The only thing I can relate this to is how a pregnant woman feels the need to "nest" at a certain time during her pregnancy, woman and men approaching mid-life do encounter a different outlook on their lives.  Whether or not it becomes a crisis in the end depends on how we interpret those changes in thought and feelings.  The ability to decipher good change from bad change will most certainly help determine the final result of this phase in your life.

I'm a firm believer that it truly is best to express your feelings rather than hold them in, only to have an immense amount of pent up frustration to deal with later on, right? I happen to be an extremely vocal person.  This is not so good sometimes.  I can admit though, that sometimes my verbal outbursts come out slightly inappropriate and perhaps even borderline offensive.   For example:  When my dh, (darling husband) of 14 years, really, really upsets me, it's not that uncommon for me to threaten bodily injury with the use of a sharp object!  Those of you who know me well, know exactly what phrase I am referring to.  Let me just say, that didn't go over too well the first time my Mother-in-law heard me say it!  But, after explaining to her that I'd rather say it then hold it in and tempt my urge to actually do it one day, I think she had a better understanding of how my brain works?? Then again, maybe not.  It's really just a non-physical way for me to release a little anger at the time.  Harmless, really.

Bottom line, I think a lot of my thoughts and feelings regarding this time in my life may be a combination of the grass is greener on the other side mentality, as well as my personal internalization of various feelings towards my own life's path that I chose.  Quite possibly a little doubt and/or disappointment?

My solution to this is, I may end up doing a HUGE amount of #2 (acceptance), sprinkled with bits and pieces of #1 (change).  So, we'll see.

Thinking about dabbling in The Law of Attraction!

Til next time,

Real quick, I'd like to mention a little game that I will be playing throughout my blogging experience. In each blog there will be at least ONE idiom.  I have underlined the ones on this blog.  See how many you can find in each of my blogs from now on!

For more information about idioms, please visit! I find that I use idioms almost everyday! And, I make my own up sometime too! =) They're fun!


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